Sunday, 22 August 2010

Sunday..bloody Sunday

More ramblings from a grumpy old man.

 This morning I woke up to gunfire. Lots of it. I'm not an early riser and, taking a bleary eyed look at my clock and seeing it was only seven o'clock didn't put me in a great mood. Yes it's that time of year again, after the harvest has taken place and the farmer who owns the fields out back of my house invites a few of the local Ooharrgh Bernards (they are East Anglian versions of Hooray Henry's) to go out and murder some of the local wildlife before breakfast.

It's not just the gunshots. With every ear splitting report all of the seagulls roosting hereabouts and the population of crows in the churchyard, explode into a cacophony of panic stricken screams. The noise is quite deafening until it settles down a bit before the next pair of partridges get blown to bits and it all kicks off again.

Not much point in lying in bed hoping it will quieten down, so I got up and got myself ready for the day. I'm working on a large pencil work which I'm hoping to get finished and framed by Thursday. It's going to be a bit tight but I'm hoping to add it to my exhibition in Aldeburgh which begins on Friday.

Before starting work though I needed to take Murphy out for his morning walk. Unable to go out in my usual direction for fear of getting a couple of barrels of buckshot up my backside, I headed off through the church yard and over towards town and the local park. A nice morning, quite peaceful and my thoughts turned to what I hoped to achieve with my drawing and, as ever, I started to try and think of an appropriate title for it too. My mind was miles away and before I knew it I had walked all the way around and was approaching the church again.

Now Murphy isn't a bad dog really, although he can still be a bit of a handful at times. So with me not concentrating and before I could react, he'd decided to go off in a different direction. The leash was tugged out of my hand as he trotted off down the lane. I could immediately see what had distracted him, an old blind lady with a guide dog was slowly approaching on her way to church. I also knew what was about to happen.....Murphy was going to try and shag the guide dog!

Perhaps if he kept the noise down he might have gotten away with it but I decided I'd better intercept him and trotted down the lane, re-capturing him just in time. Muttering my apologies to the very confused looking blind lady, I set off back up the lane to the church yard entry with a slightly disappointed looking Murphy. I passed several Land Rovers and Jeeps parked along the lane some of which probably belonged to the afore mentioned gun-toting Oohaargh Bernards. Finishing their Sunday slaughter I guess they soon would be singing 'All Things Broight And Bootiful' and praying to their God. (all creatures great and small....my arse!)

Right then, to top it all, hell was unleashed in the form of their infernal bell ringing. There under the bell tower it was absolutely deafening so I hurried on through and was glad to get back in and away from most of the noise.

Having fed Murphy, I set about a leisurely breakfast before taking my mug of tea into the studio to begin work. My studio space is a small room at the back of the house, overlooking our little garden which is looking particularly fabulous at the moment due to Jenny's constant expert attention. A nice place to work. However, within about 10 minutes the next Sunday morning aural onslaught started in the form of what I can only think is a nuclear powered lawn-mower belonging to one of my neighbours. In my motorcycling days I was constantly getting filthy looks from the neighbours when I started up my Triumph Daytona 900cc triple with full race exhaust. Not a patch on this lawn mower though and whereas I would be off and away within seconds, I have to endure this racket for about half an hour! Flaming bedlam!

Ah well.......mustn't grumble.

The drawing is going quite well and it'll be Monday soon, all will be well.

I am thinking though that perhaps I ought to drink more.............

7 comments:

Jo said...

Very comical reading Pete.

Where in Aldeburgh will your exhibition be? We're visiting friends in Halesworth from Saturday and if we get chance will come and have a look at your exhibition.

sue said...

Oh Peter

Your post had me in absolute stitches ... loved it ... especially the reference to Murphy's desire to shag the guide dog!!

You can now join hubby (David) as honorary Grumpy Old Men (Victor Meldrew club)!!

Thanks for making my evening!

sue said...

Oh.... another thing. Thanks for giving me an excuse to post my graphite drawing of 'Victor' on my blog ... I have so many 'secret' commissions on the go where I can't post pics yet that I'm struggling to keep my blog going.

Cheers

Peter Williams said...

Jo, it's at the Cinema Gallery in the High Street (as per previous post)

Andrea Farmer said...

LOL. May I suggest you invest in an iPod or suchlike Peter? ;)

Angela Samson said...

Ha! Ha! Peter that was brilliant!!

Good luck at Aldeburgh.

Carolann said...

Very amusing - some would say 'sounds of the countryside' not quite the peaceful pastoral bird singing landscape you imagine is it?
I'm waiting for the gas gun bird scarer's to start banging every few minutes. It scares the wits out of me I can tell you.