My first impression was how we'd all aged, it comes as quite a surprise when you haven't seen someone for a long time, but I felt I was the worst for wear among us. So today I though I'd start a regime to get myself a bit fitter and healthier.
With the conversation about how many of our old colleagues had kicked the bucket still ringing in my ears, I decided to embark on my first jog for nine years. I don't have any proper running shoes or a tracksuit....so I decided to go in my slippers and an old pair of pyjama bottoms. I got as far as the Co-op and then threw up in the gutter. Trying to catch my breath I sat on the kerb and watched the sea gulls feast on the regurgitated remains of last nights beautifully cooked and carefully chosen meal. I felt depressed.
Getting old, it will happen to us all....even Joan River's face has just had it's 40th birthday. Keith Richard's face is so wrinkled he can conceal 8 Gitaines in his forehead.
As I slowly recovered I began to sob....I sobbed and then I shouted. I shouted and then I roared! "IT'S HAPPENING TO US ALL....CAN'T YOU SEE?"
At this point I became aware of a lot of people staring at me, children were crying and the local Bobby was approaching down the pavement. A couple emerged from the shop and I caught part of their conversation...."you'll be much safer wearing blue trousers..." said the woman. I got to my feet and dashed down an alley behind the Co-op and made my way home, all the time wondering why nobody had told me that about blue trousers.
So next time you see an apparently drunk old man shouting at passers by in the street, have a bit of sympathy. He may have only just realised he's getting old.
Footnote: From paragraph 3 onwards is not really true....honest.